In the previous chapter, we reported what members wrote about the blessings they had received in connection with the three specific promises President Russell M. Nelson made to the Saints. As a review, these were the promises he made: “I promise that as you diligently work to remodel your home into a center of gospel learning, over time [1] your Sabbath days will truly be a delight. [2] Your children will be excited to learn and to live the Savior’s teachings, and [3] the influence of the adversary in your life and in your home will decrease.”[1]

Members shared an array of responses to the question regarding whether they had seen these promises fulfilled. One parent wrote, “[It] depends on the evening [and the] topic of study. Sometimes our kids participate, and sometimes they won’t say a word.” Yes, most parents have been there.

For other members, the answer seemed to be variations of “I have not seen these blessings fulfilled yet, but I am still trying to lay claim to them by pushing forward in faith.” As one member wrote, “[I am] hoping and praying these promises will become a reality in my life. I trust in the Lord that if I am faithful and obedient, good things will happen.”

Others offered hope for all of those who, like the member just quoted, are hoping that these blessings will become a reality. Many individuals and parents, mothers and fathers, did share their own version of a statement from a parent who wrote, “We have seen these promises fulfilled.” Our hope is that we will all eventually share that same experience and conviction.

In our work as social scientists, we often use in-depth interviews that ask specific, careful questions because we need specific insights. However, we also tend to pay particular attention when ideas we did not ask about are repeatedly mentioned and discussed. We call these concepts “spontaneous themes.”

Along those lines, some important blessings were mentioned spontaneously by members so frequently (in response to questions about the three promises) that these blessings demanded our attention. In this chapter, we will mention three.

The three additional blessings all dealt with increased love in relationships: (1) a closer relationship with the Savior and the Spirit, (2) deeper and more loving family relationships, and (3) closer connection with ward or branch members.

These three additional blessings seem to combine to deliver on a prophetic promise from President Nelson that great blessings will come as we “unleash the power of families.”[2] This increased and integrated love of God and family also captures what President Dallin H. Oaks taught in an October 2019 general conference address: “I begin with what Jesus taught were the two great commandments. ‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself’ [Matthew 22:37–39]. This means we are commanded to love everyone, since Jesus’s parable of the good Samaritan teaches that everyone is our neighbor.”[3]

President Oaks continued and admonished Church members that “our zeal to keep this second commandment must not cause us to forget the first, to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind.”[4] In our list of additional blessings, we begin with the blessing of a closer relationship with the Savior and the Spirit.

Additional Blessing 1: A Closer Relationship with the Savior and the Spirit

In this vein, members who reported on the blessings of home-centered gospel study frequently mentioned an increased closeness with and love of the Savior. One member wrote of Come, Follow Me, “It has help[ed] me to keep my focus on the SAVIOR more.” A sister without children at home wrote:

I have found a new love for Christ. . . . I feel closer to the Lord and more aware of His life and what He would do in situations similar to mine.

Another member wrote:

I study more as an individual and have strengthened my own testimony of the Savior this year. [It has also] strengthened my family’s testimonies.

An older sister wrote:

I’ve enjoyed studying the accounts of the Savior’s life and experiences. I am a seasoned, long-time member with a testimony and have studied these accounts before. But this time, I have had a whole different, sweeter feeling for the Savior and have felt his love and gentleness through this study.

Next, we offer several other members’ experiences relating to Come, Follow Me study, learning, and worship. Note that each of these members, like those just referenced, specifically mentions “the Savior,” “my Savior,” or “our Savior”:

“Another benefit [of Come, Follow Me] has been an increase of patience with each other as we navigate our busy lives. Thinking of the Savior and His teachings daily has brought gratitude and helped us to strive to become like Him.”

“I study alone, but using the [Come, Follow Me] study guide and sincerely asking myself the questions has increased my love for the Savior [even] more than . . . teaching seminary and institute.”

“We have become closer to our Savior and each other.”

“I have felt a distinct shift in my ability to address and work through some difficult circumstances in my life. I have been able to more clearly comprehend the direction my Savior would have me take.”

Another member wrote the following as encouragement:

The purpose of Come, Follow Me is to draw closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ. If you get behind, don’t stress out, and don’t feel guilty. Just ask Heavenly Father for help, study a little bit every day, and I promise you will receive that blessing of drawing closer to Christ.

In addition to many references to the Savior, some members also mentioned an increased sensitivity to the Spirit. One member wrote that Come, Follow Me “has helped me grow personally and feel the Spirit confirming the truth of the messages.” Another reported that in addition to the promised prophetic blessings, “my ability to discern . . . the promptings and guidance of [the] Holy Ghost has definitely increased. . . . I am so thankful for prophetic promises and a Savior who truly loves me!”

One individual wrote, “[My] spiritual awareness has increased greatly.” Another observed:

Since I have been devoting attention to Come, Follow Me lessons, related scriptural readings, and discussions at home, I have noticed that I have been receiving more spiritual impressions about a variety of things.

Another parent wrote that in addition to other blessings,

I also feel the Spirit more in our home as we read together. It helps us discuss the scriptures instead of just read them.

One memorable and encouraging testimony referenced both the Spirit and the Savior. Like many members who shared their reports and reflections, this individual had experienced the three prophetically promised blessings but was not content to note only those three blessings, adding,

Another thing for me personally: I have felt the promptings from the Spirit more in my life. I have faced things this past year that I have been running from for years. I can only attribute that strength to the strength of the Savior—because it hasn’t been easy, but I have had the courage to be stronger and to face my fears. I feel an urge to study more and to feast, as Nephi says, on the words [of Christ]. I am learning so much more than I have ever learned [before]. It’s exciting that all of this happened in just a year! I am excited for the changes in my life!

It was encouraging to hear members’ reports of closer connections with the Savior and the Spirit. However, if deeper relationships with the Lord are where the additional reported blessings began, it is not where they ended. Many members addressed improvements in their family relationships as well.

Additional Blessing 2: Deeper and More Loving Family Relationships

Many members reported that engaging in home-centered study of the gospel had influenced and motivated positive changes in their marital and family relationships. One parent and grandparent wrote:

Our family has grown closer as we have studied the scriptures together. We had a granddaughter living with us for a while, and Come, Follow Me study with her helped us know her better and increased our love for her and for each other.

One wife reported extraordinary dedication on the part of herself and her husband:

My husband and I have followed [Come, Follow Me] every night for a year. We don’t have children at home, but [as we study] we get different ideas of how to serve our less active children. It has been a blessing to us each night as we study in bed; [studying has brought] a real sense of peace.

Another wife and mother wrote:

We have all improved in different aspects of our li[ves]. My husband is not only a better father but a better husband and is even excelling in the workplace. I have also made strides to make a happier and [more] positive home.

One member wrote of her marriage:

Our relationship . . . is deeper as we talk about the Master more in our daily conversations. It’s becoming the norm, and we feel “lighter” in the burdens we have been carrying.

One husband explained that Come, Follow Me has been the catalyst for other efforts in his shared gospel living efforts with his wife:

My wife is a convert and the only member [in] her family, so [Come, Follow Me] has been a natural point of focus for us as a family, both last year and this year. Our weekly temple attendance as a family has been very rewarding, doing the work for my wife’s family. [All of] this has been greatly spurred on by the Sunday family gospel study and the deep feelings it inspires in us.

We shift from the relational and spiritual blessings associated with shared family learning and worship and touch briefly on an important social science finding. In a previous chapter, we discussed the decades-long marital research of psychologist John Gottman and his discovery that one vital factor that creates thriving, loving, and vibrant marriages is the ability of couples to be “intimately familiar with each other’s world.”[5] How is this done? What is the secret? Gottman gives us the following: “We wondered what would distinguish those couples whose marriages continued to improve from those whose marriages did not. . . . We discovered that [successful couples] were devoting . . . an extra five hours a week to their marriage. . . . I’ve come to call it the Magic Five Hours.”[6]

For Gottman, those “Magic Five Hours” should consist of a weekly two-hour date and then an ideal total of thirty minutes a day to share meaningful time. Along with home evening[7] and other home-centered religious practices, could Come, Follow Me be a core part of those Magic Five Hours? An older married couple wrote that as they have been studying, learning, and discussing together, they have been “growing closer to each other and our Savior TOGETHER.”

An additional leading marriage expert, William J. Doherty, shared a similar message about shared time together. He wrote, “If a married couple with children has fifteen minutes of uninterrupted, nonproblem-solving talk every day, I would put them in the top five percent of all married couples in the land. It’s an extraordinary achievement. . . . [However], mumbling at 11 o’clock at night when you are exhausted does not count.”[8]

Does Come, Follow Me “count”? Does couple prayer count? Do temple visits count? If couples engage in such activities with attentive love, patience, and kindness, then yes. The inspired structure of the gospel generally (and perhaps the Come, Follow Me invitation specifically) can help provide these “Magic Hours” and minutes that can not only preserve our marriages and families but increasingly strengthen them.

Let’s take a brief look at single phrases from members’ Come, Follow Me reports that we consider anew:

“Our family has grown closer as we have studied the scriptures together.”

“Come, Follow Me study [has] increased our love . . . for each other.”

“It has been a blessing to us each night as we study.”

“Our relationship . . . is deeper as we talk about the Master more.”

“[We are grateful for] family gospel study and the deep feelings it inspires in us.”

The reports above and others like them yield a hope that dedicated efforts to Come, Follow Me not only bring individuals closer to the Savior and the Spirit—these efforts also often seem to help strengthen marriages and families.

Additional Blessing 3: Closer Connection with Ward or Branch Members

However, what about our single, widowed, or divorced sisters and brothers who now make up a majority of adult Church members?[9] In the previous chapter, we heard from some who felt their single status was painfully underscored by the emphasis on family study—and we urged member families to consider ways to involve singles in mutually beneficial ways.

Gratefully, however, there were also many encouraging reports from single members that highlighted blessings received and perceived as a result of efforts to engage in Come, Follow Me. These blessings included a closer sense of connection with extended family and with ward or branch members.

One member who is single discussed all three of the additional blessings outlined in this chapter by referencing how deeper gospel studying, learning, and worship have connected her more closely with “the Savior, [her] family, and ward members.” She explained:

Living alone, I can also testify that I feel more connected to the Savior, my family, and ward members, because I know they are striving for the same goal [to engage in more meaningful study and worship]. This feeling of connection makes me feel strengthened against the influence of the adversary. Studying has also deepened my relationship with the Savior, and even though trials [and] temptations have not been removed, because of my deeper relationship with Him I feel more fortified and confident in withstanding [and] overcoming them.

Another single member wrote:

I am not married and do not have children, [but] I do feel power in my life and home from the Lord, and [1] enjoy Sabbath day study and journal time. I feel the Lord is guiding, directing, and comforting me in my life. The power in the lives of the children in my life, at church, and in my [extended] family seems to be increasing for good.

We think it is significant that both of these members note beneficial impacts and blessings at church. For some (and perhaps many) members, the unified and coordinated Come, Follow Me invitation helps foster unity—not only by drawing those who follow the invitation closer to the Lord but also by drawing single sisters and brothers closer to those in their ward who are on the same page (or at least are in the same few chapters).

One BYU student, a returned sister missionary who is single, wrote the following about her own personal study and worship:

One day as I studied the scriptures, I sought teaching from the Lord about the topic of love. His divine lesson surprised me. He told me that I have the tendency to focus on others but that He wants me to focus on Him. [The message I received was] “As you strengthen your relationship with me, then your relationships with others will naturally become more strengthened as well. Focus on loving me.”

The depth and quality of your relationship with Him will translate to your relationships with others. So the question becomes “How can I strengthen my relationship with Thee?” President Oaks gives us one suggestion: “We show that love by ‘keep[ing] His commandments.’”[10] By living His commandments and keeping our covenants, we draw nearer to Christ.

One day my roommates and I talked about our “love languages,” which brought me to ponder, “What’s Christ’s love language? How does He feel loved?” When we live our covenants and keep His commandments, He feels loved. Our covenants are Christ’s love language. By living our covenants, we draw nearer to Christ. (John 14:15—“If ye love me, keep my commandments.”)

The message of this woman and many other diverse members who reported on their Come, Follow Me efforts was that devoted personal and family study and worship can intensify our love for Christ and bring an increased focus on Him and our Father. Our heightened love of the Savior and our Father then blesses all other relationships, helping us to be nobler children in the family of God.

In summary, in addition to the prophetic promises of home-centered gospel learning yielding “Sabbath days [that] will truly be a delight,” “children [that] will be excited to learn and to live the Savior’s teachings,” and a decreasing “influence of the adversary in [our] li[ves] and in [our] home[s],”[11] there were significant additional blessings that members repeatedly mentioned. These blessings included a closer relationship with the Savior and the Spirit. Reported blessings also included an additional closeness between wife and husband, parent and child, and grandparent and grandchild. Some mentioned that these blessings even seemed to stretch into relationships with adult children and children who were not actively walking the covenant path.

Finally, for some, including for several single members, the additional relational blessings were not constrained to family but spilled over into feelings of increased unity, closeness, and connection with ward or branch members.

President Nelson has encouraged the Saints to draw closer to the Lord, to hear Him, to feast on the word of God, and to remain on the covenant path. In so doing he has offered prophetic blessings and promises to those who follow this counsel. He has taught:

Our Father loves us and yearns for each one of us to choose to return to His holy presence. He pleads with us to listen to the voice of Jesus Christ, whom the Father anointed and appointed as our Mediator, Savior, and Redeemer.

. . . I invite you to think deeply and often about this key question: How do you hear Him? I also invite you to take steps to hear Him better and more often. . . .

Now, as one of the Lord’s special witnesses, I bless you in your efforts to get on and stay on His covenant path, and strive with all your heart, might, mind and soul to Hear Him![12]

In an additional message, he said,

Brothers and sisters, I thank you for your faith and sustaining efforts. I leave my love and blessing upon you, that you may feast upon the word of the Lord and apply His teachings in your personal lives. I assure you that revelation continues in the Church and will continue until “the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done” [Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith (2007), 142].[13]

The Lord’s prophet then concluded by stating yet another series of blessings that we can receive if we are willing:

I bless you with increased faith in Him and in His holy work, with faith and patience to endure your personal challenges in life. I bless you to become exemplary Latter-day Saints. I so bless you and bear my testimony that God lives! Jesus is the Christ! This is His Church. We are His people, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.[14]

Questions to Encourage Contemplation and Conversation

1. President Oaks has reminded Church members that “our zeal to keep th[e] second commandment must not cause us to forget the first, to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind.” What meaning do you draw from this reminder?
2. This chapter focuses on additional blessings beyond those that have been promised. Have there been times in your life when you have felt blessed for your obedience in even more ways than promised?
3. Have you felt deeper connection with your Heavenly Father, your Savior, and the Spirit as you have engaged in personal study and worship?
4. Have you felt deeper connection with family members as you have engaged in family study and worship?
5. Have you felt deeper connection with other ward members as you have responded to the invitation to “come, follow me”?
6. What are the implications of the “Magic Five Hours” for you and your relationships?

Creating Opportunities for Revelatory Experiences (CORE)

1. What intentions do you have to enjoy personal revelatory experiences?
2. How can you and your loved ones encourage each other’s revelatory experiences?
3. What personal and relational activities might encourage your own revelatory experiences?

Notes

[1] Russell M. Nelson, “Becoming Exemplary Latter-day Saints,” Ensign, November 2018, 113.

[2] Nelson, “Becoming Exemplary Latter-day Saints,” 113.

[3] Dallin H. Oaks, “Two Great Commandments,” Ensign, November 2019, 73.

[4] Oaks, “Two Great Commandments,” 73–74.

[5] John M. Gottman and Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (New York: Three Rivers, 2004), 48.

[6] Gottman and Silver, Seven Principles, 260.

[7] See Loren D. Marks et al., “The Real Book of Mormon Musical: Latter-day Saint Family Home Evening as a Weekly Ritual,” Marriage & Family Review 56, no. 5 (2020): 425–48.

[8] William J. Doherty, Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart (New York: Guilford, 2013), 130.

[9] See Gerrit W. Gong, “Room in the Inn,” Ensign, May 2021, 26.

[10] Oaks, “Two Great Commandments,” 74.

[11] Nelson, “Becoming Exemplary Latter-day Saints,” 113.

[12] Russell M. Nelson, “‘How Do You #HearHim?’ A Special Invitation,” February 26, 2020, ChurchofJesusChrist.org; emphasis in original.

[13] Nelson, “Becoming Exemplary Latter-day Saints,” 114.

[14] Nelson, “Becoming Exemplary Latter-day Saints,” 114.