A bride and groom standing outside of the Curitiba Brazil Temple. Marriage between men and women has been foundational to society for millennia. Intellectual Reserve, Inc.

ABSTRACT: The doctrines related to marriage are not only crucial to our understanding of the gospel but also influential in shaping our view of prophetic reliability. Understanding which teachings can change and which cannot change helps strengthen testimonies of both true doctrine and prophetic reliability. Understanding God’s work and glory—his purpose or telos—helps us better situate the doctrine of eternal marriage within the plan of salvation. It is important to help all God’s children see how they and their loved ones fit into his plan.

KEYWORDS: eternal marriage · plural marriage · prophetic reliability· doctrine versus policy · exaltation

In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; and in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]; and if he does not, he cannot obtain it. He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase. —Doctrine and Covenants 131:1–4

Marriage between men and women has been foundational to society for millennia and remains a sacred commandment or sacrament in many religions. As early as 1831, Joseph Smith taught that “marriage is ordained of God” (D&C 49:15). By May 1835 he introduced the idea of eternal marriage to close associates.[1] Doctrine and Covenants 131 is the earliest written revelation The adeclaring eternal marriage not only as divinely ordained but as essential for exaltation.

What was long accepted and revered in the Church as a beautiful, restored truth has recently become a challenge for some, especially among the younger generation. At times, their questions are theological: Is loving Christ not enough? How can loving anyone be wrong? Often the concerns involve reconciling the doctrine of eternal marriage with personal circumstances: What about my divorced parents, my married but unhappy sibling, my single friends who long for marriage, my family and friends who experience same-sex attraction or gender dysphoria?

These sincere, often personal, questions deserve serious consideration. To understand the sacred doctrine relating to eternal family, at least two things are essential: knowing where the doctrine fits in the plan of salvation and seeing how we and our loved ones fit into that plan. It is difficult to gain a testimony of the doctrine without seeing our place in God’s plan, and we are unlikely to gain a testimony of something we believe will lead to misery.

Introduction

Marriage, gender, and sexuality significantly impact the faith decisions of today’s rising generation. These topics have always been sensitive, but the divergence between societal norms and the restored gospel makes them even more challenging. A study about Latter-day Saint millennials reports that sexual orientation and gender issues are the third-most frequently cited reason millennials disassociate from the Church, while it is not a major faith challenge for older generations.[2] Generation Z, those born around the mid-1990s until the mid-2010s, is even more sensitive to these matters.

The family proclamation outlines core doctrine related to these issues and is central to prophetic efforts to help members and nonmembers understand God’s revelations about marriage and family. President Dallin H. Oaks stated, “Forty years ago, President Ezra Taft Benson taught that every generation has its tests. . . . I believe our attitude toward and use of the family proclamation is one of those tests.”[3] Of course, the family proclamation is not new doctrine. As President Gordon B. Hinckley explained, the family proclamation is “a declaration and reaffirmation of standards, doctrines, and practices relative to the family which the prophets, seers, and revelators of this church have repeatedly stated throughout its history.”[4]

Scripturally, few texts are more central to marriage and family in God’s plan than Doctrine and Covenants 131, 132, and Official Declaration 1. Some may assume that because a foundational teaching like the necessity of marriage between a man and a woman for exaltation has such clear scriptural support (D&C 131), it would be well understood and accepted among Church members. President Oaks noted that when the Quorum of the Twelve and First Presidency began drafting “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” some leaders were surprised, believing doctrines about the family were already clear and accepted.[5] Yet it has become obvious that there is a real need to clarify and reemphasize these crucial truths of exaltation.

Prophetic Reliability

Before examining the doctrine itself, we can reflect on how belief or disbelief in the doctrine affects trust in prophetic reliability. In the study mentioned above, the top reason former members gave for leaving the Church was that they “did not trust the church leadership” (which was tied with ‘felt judged or misunderstood’). Third most common were issues related to marriage, gender, and sexuality.[6] As the strongest doctrinal concern given, these issues seem to have a clear connection as to why some members struggle to trust church leaders.

So how can you know for yourself the truth of prophetic teachings regarding these doctrine and principles? As with many gospel doctrines, there are no purely mortal means of knowing the truth of what is taught regarding eternal realities. Revelation is the only sure means of knowing. The knowledge of such truths flows from prophetic revelation even as our testimonies of those truths flow through personal revelation.

This mirrors how we gain a testimony of all the gospel’s most essential truths—such as Jesus being God’s Son and our Savior. While secular evidence may suggest a historical Jesus, revelation confirms he is the Son of God. Similarly, logic and reason can justify marriage and family, but knowledge of their eternal nature must come from God and his prophets. Thus, a testimony of prophetic reliability is essential when seeking to understand these doctrines.

Even though we do not believe in prophetic infallibility, the Savior affirmed we can trust his prophets (see D&C 1:37). The prophet Joseph stated, “I never told you I was perfect; but there is no error in the revelations which I have taught.”[7] Most active members likely believe the teachings in the Doctrine and Covenants are true. Yet, as noted above, some still struggle when those teachings pertain to marriage and family, even though they are based in scripture.

Doctrinal Clarity—What Can Change?

To know that prophets are reliable, receiving that witness through the Holy Spirit is crucial. In a talk which touched on some of these sensitive issues, President Nelson pleaded with us to do just that:

My dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to seek earnestly a confirmation from the Spirit that what I have told you is true and is from the Lord. He has declared that we may seek knowledge from heaven and expect to receive it: “If thou shalt ask,” the Lord promised, “thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge.”

Ask your Heavenly Father if we truly are the Lord’s apostles and prophets. Ask if we have received revelation on this [teachings related to sexuality and gender] and other matters. Ask if these five truths are, in fact, true.[8]

As noted, it takes revelation to know the truth of claims which go beyond secular evidence. Besides this critical component, prophets have provided additional principles to strengthen our confidence in what they teach. Prophets consistently share three criteria to help members of the Church evaluate their teachings. (1) Is the teaching eternal in nature? In other words, do prophets say the teachings are eternal, and have the teachings been consistent and unchanging? (2) Is the teaching collectively given by the First Presidency and Quorum of Twelve? And finally, (3) is the teaching salvific? Does it pertain to our salvation?[9]

Helping members understand which teachings can change and which cannot change clarifies prophetic reliability. This is particularly important for sensitive doctrines. That is why the criterion of eternality—what cannot change—is so valuable. Eternality is also the most frequently cited definition of doctrine in both general conference and the Church’s official curriculum.[10]

As prophets have taught in recent decades, doctrine and principles are eternal, while policies and practices—even those commanded by God—may change. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf explained: “Procedures, programs, policies, and patterns of organization are helpful for our spiritual progress here on earth, but let’s not forget that they are subject to change. In contrast, the core of the gospel—the doctrine and the principles—will never change.”[11]

In the October 2023 general conference, Elder John C. Pingree Jr. explained why differentiating between doctrine and policy is so important:

When seeking truth, it helps to understand the difference between doctrine and policy. Doctrine refers to eternal truths, such as the nature of the Godhead, the plan of salvation, and Jesus Christ’s atoning sacrifice. Policy is the application of doctrine based on current circumstances. Policy helps us administer the Church in an orderly way.

While doctrine never changes, policy adjusts from time to time. The Lord works through His prophets to uphold His doctrine and to modify Church policies according to the needs of His children.

Unfortunately, we sometimes confuse policy with doctrine. If we do not understand the difference, we risk becoming disillusioned when policies change and may even begin to question God’s wisdom or the revelatory role of prophets.[12]

Whether a teaching is eternal is not the sole determinant on whether it comes from God. Some truths revealed by God are specific for a time and place. However, knowing that a teaching or practice can change helps us avoid judging past or current prophets to have been mistaken when teachings or practices appear to shift. Believing past prophets as being in error creates a precedent for disbelieving current prophets, seers, and revelators.

How do these principles and criteria apply to eternal marriage? The necessity of eternal marriage between men and women for exaltation, as taught in Doctrine and Covenants 131 and 132, aligns with all three criteria: eternality, consistent teaching by the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve, and of salvific importance. Recognizing this helps confirm that the foundational teachings regarding marriage and family are not subject to change.

God’s prophets, from Adam and Eve onward, have taught that marriage in God’s plan is the union of men and women. Though other relationships have value, no other form of marriage has ever been endorsed by God’s prophets. Scripture shows God joined Adam and Eve in marriage and commanded them to bring children into their family (Gen. 1:27–28). Paul taught, “neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:11). Modern prophets, from Joseph Smith to the present, have affirmed that eternal marriage between men and women is of divine, not simply mortal, origin and is necessary for exaltation (D&C 131 and 132). Prophets repeatedly confirm this as unchanging, eternal doctrine. Elder D. Todd Christofferson taught, “Our doctrine—not just belief, but doctrine—that sexual relations are only appropriate and lawful in the Lord’s eyes between man and woman legally and lawfully married is unchanged and will never change.”[13]

Yet some question the eternal nature of this doctrine. One common reason is the mistaken equivalence between the doctrine of eternal marriage and the practice of plural marriage, which has at times been commanded and at other times prohibited. Some reason that the changes to plural marriage suggest the Church can—or will—change its doctrine about the necessity of eternal marriage between men and women. How do the principles and criteria above clarify why this comparison is problematic?

From ancient times, God has made clear that plural marriage is practiced only when he commands it. It is not a universal, eternal requirement. Jacob taught: “Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none. . . . For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things” (Jacob 2:27, 30). Unlike eternal marriage between men and women for exaltation, plural marriage is a practice God may command or prohibit as needed. It is important to note that this does not mean that plural marriage was not commanded by God or that it lacks eternal significance. It means the command to practice or not practice it can change as the Lord dictates.

Plural marriage was clearly taught and commanded by God, as seen in Doctrine and Covenants 132, affirming that the practice came by revelation. Section 132 also teaches that plural marriage, when commanded and lived faithfully, is efficacious in the eternities. Yet the commandments regarding its practice have changed over time. This can leave some wondering about its relationship to the eternal doctrine of marriage. Plural marriage can also be confusing because, in earlier times, it was sometimes referred to as a doctrine.

At the beginning of this dispensation, plural marriage was often called a doctrine. A search of general conference addresses from 1850 through the early 1900s shows plural marriage or polygamy was referred to as a doctrine over thirty times. Yet for the last nearly hundred years, it has almost always been referred to as a practice. This is consistent in general conference, Church essays on plural marriage, and in the gospel topics and questions section on churchofjesuschrist.org.

So why does it matter how it is referred to? Why is the change in wording consequential? Some mistakenly equate changes in God’s command regarding plural marriage with potential changes to the Church’s teachings on eternal marriage. They wonder if the doctrine on marriage will also change. This assumption leads some to believe it is only a matter of time before this eternal doctrine, celestial marriage being the union of perfected men and women, will change and thus open the way for any other form of marriage to be included either for time or eternity.

One helpful clarification is understanding that the word doctrine was used differently during the first century of the Restoration. Early usage simply meant “that which is taught,” with little effort to distinguish eternal truths from temporal teachings within the Church.[14] As discussed briefly above, and in more detail in the referenced BYU Studies article, statements from the First Presidency and Quorum of Twelve distinguish between doctrine and principles (eternal, unchangeable truths) and policies and practices (teachings which can be changed by God and his prophets according to the Church’s needs).

It is unsurprising that the Church has referred to plural marriage only as a practice for over half a century. Again, this does not mean it was not commanded by God, or that it cannot be efficacious in the eternal worlds; it simply means that the commandment to practice it can change without undermining prophetic reliability. Changes to the commandment regarding plural marriage do not suggest past prophets were wrong, nor do they set a precedent that the doctrine of eternal marriage will change.

Eternal Marriage–The Why

Understanding that practices—even those commanded by God—can change is essential when considering the doctrines of eternal marriage. Even while knowing that eternal marriage is an unchanging doctrine, and God can command or prohibit plural marriage, some still struggle to grasp the reasons behind God’s laws regarding both. Scripture offers reasoning for plural marriage in the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants. Jacob 2:30 states it is to “rais[ing] up seed unto me.” Doctrine and Covenants 132:63 explains it is “to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given by my Father before the foundation of the world, and for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of my Father continued, that he may be glorified.” We do not have a perfect understanding of the reason God at times commands plural marriage—we simply have scriptural evidence that he has. For a more detailed discussion regarding the doctrinal and historical foundations, see the book chapter titled “Eternal Marriage and Plural Marriage.”[15]

The remainder of this article will focus on reasons for God’s overarching doctrine of eternal marriage. God has revealed sufficient reasons for his doctrine regarding marriage to help us better understand what may seem uncomprehensible by some in the modern era. Neal A. Maxwell quoted the philosopher and theologian Austin Farrer to emphasize the role of reason in sustaining belief. “Though argument does not create conviction, the lack of it destroys belief. What seems to be proved may not be embraced; but what no one shows the ability to defend is quickly abandoned. Rational argument does not create belief, but it maintains a climate in which belief may flourish.”[16]

Over three decades ago at Brigham Young University, Elder Boyd K. Packer taught a principle that helps us navigate complex gospel questions. He explained:

After I had taught seminary for a number of years, I discovered something that made a difference in how much students learned and how much they remembered. What I discovered was this: there is great value in presenting a brief but very carefully organized overview of the entire course at the very beginning. . . .

There is one framework that fits every course you teach. Elements of it are everywhere in the scriptures. It has many names.[17]

He listed fourteen names for the plan of salvation and suggested that all gospel topics be viewed within that context. He explained:

Young people wonder “why?”—Why are we commanded to do some things, and why we are commanded not to do other things? A knowledge of the plan of happiness, even in outline form, can give young minds a “why” . . . Alma said this, and this is, I think of late, my favorite scripture, although I change now and again: “God gave unto them commandments, after having made known unto them the plan of redemption” (Alma 12:32; emphasis added). Let me say that again: “God gave unto them commandments, after having made known unto them the plan of redemption.” Now, let me say it again: “God gave unto them commandments, AFTER having made known unto them the plan of redemption.”[18]

Understanding the “why” behind God’s teachings on eternal marriage, sexuality, and gender provides greater clarity on their place in the plan of salvation. Of course, we must not only understand these doctrines but also live them, as our destiny depends on it. In the article referenced above, Elder Packer emphasized using Alma’s words from Alma 12:32 to explain that we are more likely to follow commandments—whether about marriage, the law of chastity, or others—if we see their purpose within God’s plan.

Many recall from childhood that “because I said so”—though authoritative—felt unsatisfying as a reason for obedience. In theory, hearing “God said so” should be enough, and for some it is. Yet many still long for “a reason for the hope” they are given (1 Peter 3:15). They seek the “why.” As Elder Uchtdorf taught, “the what informs, but the why transforms.”[19] So, where do these issues fit in the plan? What is their “why”?

Telos–Not Just Immortality but Eternal Life

The Greek word telos refers to “the end to which all things relate, the aim, purpose.”[20] Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle consistently used the concept of telos while referring to cause or ultimate purpose.[21] When it comes to the ultimate purpose for which God created man and commands all that he commands, Moses 1:39 provides the key, “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” In other words, the telos—the ultimate aim, goal, or end—for which God created and commands men is to help us achieve both immortality and eternal life.

Though the terms immortality and eternal life are sometimes used interchangeably, they refer to two different outcomes.

Eternal life is the phrase used in scripture to define the quality of life that our Eternal Father lives. . . . Immortality is to live forever as a resurrected being. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, everyone will receive this gift. Eternal life, or exaltation, is to live in God’s presence and to continue as families. Like immortality, this gift is made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. However, to inherit eternal life requires our “obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.”[22]

The General Handbook states, “Immortality is to live forever with a resurrected physical body. Eternal life, or exaltation, is to become like God.”[23] Doctrine and Covenants 19:10 teaches that “endless” is another name for God, as is “eternal” in verse 11. Thus, eternal life means living like God, which is his goal for all his children. The Gospel Principles book explains, “Exaltation is eternal life, the kind of life God lives.”[24]

Toward the end of his life, Joseph Smith taught, “You have got to learn how to be a god yourself.”[25] The earliest scriptural indication of this possibility came in 1832 when Joseph described inhabitants of the celestial kingdom:

They are they into whose hands the Father has given all things—they are they who are priests and kings, who have received of his fulness, and of his glory; and are priests of the Most High, after the order of Melchizedek, which was after the order of Enoch, which was after the order of the Only Begotten Son. Wherefore, as it is written, they are gods, even the sons of God—wherefore, all things are theirs, whether life or death, or things present, or things to come, all are theirs and they are Christ’s, and Christ is God’s. (D&C 76:55–59)

A year later, Joseph learned through revelation how the Savior grew from grace to grace until he received a fulness. The Lord explained, “I give unto you these sayings that you may understand and know how to worship, and know what you worship, that you may come unto the Father in my name, and in due time receive of his fulness” (D&C 93:19).

Joseph was far from the only prophet in this dispensation to teach this possibility. The First Presidency of Heber J. Grant, Anthony W. Ivins, and Charles W. Nibley similarly taught, “Man is the child of God, formed in the divine image and endowed with divine attributes, and even as the infant son of an earthly father and mother is capable in due time of becoming a man, so that undeveloped offspring of celestial parentage is capable, by experience through ages and eons, of evolving into a God.”[26] When we say that our ultimate destiny is exaltation, as quoted above, we are speaking of living “the kind of life that God lives.”

The idea of becoming like God is not exclusive to Latter-day Saints, though our understanding of it is unique. The Greek term for becoming like God is theosis. While unfamiliar to much of modern Christianity, this idea has been taught since ancient times and by prophets since Joseph Smith. As the Gospel Topics essay “Becoming Like God” notes, early Christian fathers such as Irenaeus, Clement of Alexandria, and Basil the Great taught deification from the beginning of the Christian era. Entire books have been written on the subject.[27] This does not mean early Christian theologians or modern scholars view deification exactly as Joseph Smith taught, but the basic concept is well established in Christian tradition.

The “Becoming Like God” essay explains: “Humankind’s divine nature and potential for exaltation have been repeatedly taught in general conference addresses, Church magazines, and other Church materials. When Latter-day Saint young women recite their theme, each affirms, ‘I am a beloved daughter of heavenly parents, with a divine nature and eternal destiny.’ Teaching on human beings’ divine parentage, nature, and potential features prominently in ‘The Family: A Proclamation to the World.’ Divine nature and exaltation are essential and beloved teachings in the Church.”[28]

Telos and Eternal Family

So what does becoming like God have to do with eternal marriage and family? As the General Handbook points out, “Immortality is to live forever with a resurrected physical body. Eternal life, or exaltation, is to become like God and live in His presence eternally as families.”[29] This is the essence of Doctrine and Covenants 131. In fact, when prophets help members understand the necessity of eternal marriage between men and women for exaltation, they regularly reference Doctrine and Covenants 131, which clarifies that eternal life requires eternal marriage. For example, President Nelson and President Oaks have taught this connection in general conference numerous times over the last few decades.[30]

These references reflect only general conference teachings from Presidents Nelson and Oaks. Expanding to Church magazines, curriculum, and other leaders—including references to Doctrine and Covenants 132—adds many similar teachings. One extended quote from President Oaks illustrates the connection clearly:

Finally, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is properly known as a family-centered Church. But not well understood is the reality that our family-centeredness is not limited to mortal relationships. Eternal relationships are also fundamental to our theology. The mission of the restored Church is to help all the children of God qualify for what God desires as their ultimate destiny. By the redemption provided through the Atonement of Christ, all may attain eternal life (exaltation in the celestial kingdom), which Mother Eve declared “God giveth unto all the obedient.” This is more than salvation. President Russell M. Nelson has reminded us that “in God’s eternal plan, salvation is an individual matter; [but] exaltation is a family matter.

Fundamental to us is God’s revelation that exaltation can be attained only through faithfulness to the covenants of an eternal marriage between a man and a woman. That divine doctrine is why we teach that “gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.[31]

Eternal marriage and family cannot be separated from our ultimate telos: to become like God. In our theology, becoming like God means becoming like our heavenly parents. President Dallin H. Oaks explained, “Our theology begins with heavenly parents. Our highest aspiration is to be like them.”[32] Later in the same year, he taught, “The purpose of mortal life and the mission of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is to prepare the sons and daughters of God for their eternal destiny—to become like our heavenly parents.”[33] Knowing this helps us understand why Doctrine and Covenants 131 teaches that to obtain the highest kingdom (receive exaltation), we must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]; and if he does not, he cannot obtain it. He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase (D&C 131:2–4).

This sacred truth—that we are destined to become like our heavenly parents—clarifies the necessity of union between Heavenly Father’s sons and daughters in marriage. Becoming like our heavenly parents requires the union of a perfected man and woman. As President Nelson taught while citing Doctrine and Covenants 131, “No man in this Church can obtain the highest degree of celestial glory without a worthy woman who is sealed to him.”[34] He also taught: “Marriage between a man and a woman is fundamental to the Lord’s doctrine and crucial to God’s eternal plan. Marriage between a man and a woman is God’s pattern for a fulness of life on earth and in heaven. God’s marriage pattern cannot be abused, misunderstood, or misconstrued.”[35]

As the Apostle Paul explained, “neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:11). Elder Richard G. Scott similarly taught, “In the Lord’s plan, it takes two—a man and a woman—to form a whole.”[36] To be whole is the very definition of the perfection God intends his children to reach. In Matthew 5:48 and 3 Nephi 12:48, Jesus commands us to be “perfect.” Many interpret “perfect” as flawless. But the Greek word used for perfect in Matthew is teleios, meaning “having reached its end, i.e. complete.”[37] Hence, our telos (our aim, ultimate purpose) is to become telios (complete, whole), which is possible only by the union of men and women in eternal marriage.

Hence, marriage and family are central to our ultimate telos—becoming like our heavenly parents. Elder Tad R. Calister explained: “We were born in the image of God our Father; He begat us like unto Himself. There is the nature of Deity in the composition of our spiritual organization. In our spiritual birth, our Father transmitted to us the capabilities, powers and faculties which He possessed, as much so as the child on its mother’s bosom possesses, although in an undeveloped state, the faculties, powers and susceptibilities of its parent.”[38] As we understand our identity as children of God and our destiny to become like him, the doctrines and commandments related to eternal marriage will no longer seem arbitrary but will be seen as central to God’s plan for eternal happiness.

Though details of exaltation are sometimes caricatured or speculated on, prophetic sources provide little specific information. Though we know of the necessity of eternal marriage and rejoice in that truth, it is wise to avoid speculation beyond what has been revealed. As the “Becoming Like God” essay states:

Latter-day Saints tend to imagine exaltation through the lens of the sacred in mortal experience. They see the seeds of godhood in the joy of bearing and nurturing children and the intense love they feel for those children, in the impulse to reach out in compassionate service to others, in the moments they are caught off guard by the beauty and order of the universe, in the grounding feeling of making and keeping divine covenants. Church members imagine exaltation less through images of what they will get and more through the relationships they have now and how those relationships might be purified and elevated.[39]

A Place in the Plan

Even if we gain a testimony that the doctrine of eternal marriage as taught by prophets is true and understand how it fits into the plan of salvation, we still need to see how we and our loved ones fit into that plan. If we cannot see how we or those we love fit into God’s plan, our testimonies are less likely to endure. As noted above, many individuals struggle to see how the truths regarding eternal marriage apply to them. How can we help them see themselves in the restored gospel?

Four overarching principles can help us all see ourselves and our loved ones prospering in the gospel:

1. Heavenly Father will deny no blessing to any of his children because of something outside their control.
2. Heavenly Father honors our agency and will not remove or limit it.
3. Through the Father’s love, the grace of Christ, and the Holy Spirit’s help, we can find peace and joy even when circumstances limit us temporarily.
4. Heavenly Father loves each of us perfectly and will do all he can to help us receive all he has.

All can receive all

God’s prophets have repeatedly promised that no person will ever be denied any blessing that God promises to all his children due to situations/circumstances outside of their control. President Hunter explained: “No blessing, including that of eternal marriage and an eternal family, will be denied to any worthy individual. While it may take somewhat longer—perhaps even beyond this mortal life—for some to achieve this blessing, it will not be denied.”[40] Elder Christofferson explained this applies to those who never marry due to circumstances outside their control, those whose marriages end, and to those who marry but cannot have children:

Some of you are denied the blessing of marriage for reasons including a lack of viable prospects, same-sex attraction, physical or mental impairments, or simply a fear of failure that, for the moment at least, overshadows faith. Or you may have married, but that marriage ended, and you are left to manage alone what two together can barely sustain. Some of you who are married cannot bear children despite overwhelming desires and pleading prayers.

. . . With confidence we testify that the Atonement of Jesus Christ has anticipated and, in the end, will compensate all deprivation and loss for those who turn to Him. No one is predestined to receive less than all that the Father has for His children.[41]

These promises do not negate our agency or responsibility to do what is within our power. But for those who remain covenant-connected and act within their agency, the promise is sure. There is no fear of losing the blessings of eternal life. The Savior will make right all that goes wrong if we remain faithful. As President Nelson taught: “Once we make a covenant with God, we leave neutral ground forever. God will not abandon His relationship with those who have forged such a bond with Him.”[42] He further explained:

Because God has hesed for those who have covenanted with Him, He will love them. He will continue to work with them and offer them opportunities to change. He will forgive them when they repent. And should they stray, He will help them find their way back to Him.

Once you and I have made a covenant with God, our relationship with Him becomes much closer than before our covenant. Now we are bound together. Because of our covenant with God, He will never tire in His efforts to help us, and we will never exhaust His merciful patience with us. Each of us has a special place in God’s heart. He has high hopes for us.[43]

To summarize, every one of Heavenly Father’s children—regardless of mortal challenges—can ultimately experience the kind of marriage relationship that leads to eternal life and exaltation.

Agency

What about those in unhappy marriages, or those who pass away and whose spouse remarries, or those who experience same-sex attraction and cannot imagine marriage with someone of the opposite sex? Will they be stuck in or placed into a relationship they do not want? Just as our Heavenly Parents honored agency in premortal life, they continue to honor it now, including in matters of marriage and family.

Elder Gerrit W. Gong taught, “Marriage covenants are binding by mutual choice of those making them—a reminder of God’s and our respect for agency and the blessing of His help when we unitedly seek it.”[44] President Oaks further explained: “We have a loving Heavenly Father who will see that we receive every blessing and every advantage that our own desires and choices allow. We also know that He will force no one into a sealing relationship against his or her will. The blessings of a sealed relationship are assured for all who keep their covenants but never by forcing a sealed relationship on another person who is unworthy or unwilling.”[45]

Furthermore, for a sealing to be efficacious in the next world, the Holy Spirit of Promise must seal it. Doctrine and Covenants 132:7 explains, “All covenants, contracts, bonds, obligations, oaths, vows, performances, connections, associations, or expectations” must be sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise, if they are to have “efficacy, virtue, or force in and after the resurrection from the dead; for all contracts that are not made unto this end have an end when men are dead.” That ratifying seal requires a person to use their agency to choose to enter in and to keep that covenant. Agency is essential. No one need fear being forced into a relationship they do not choose to enter or remain in.

Promises of joy and compensating power

As vital as it is to know that God will fulfill every promised blessing and honor agency, it is equally important to know that God makes joy possible now for those who stay covenant connected. Mortal life is not fair. All will face challenges. None of us is promised continual bliss in mortality. Yet God does not expect us to simply endure misery until we cross the veil.

The verse “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25) clearly speaks of the Lord’s desire for us to have joy. Though none of us will experience a fullness of joy in this life, it is possible for each of us to experience joy. As President Nelson taught, “My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives. When the focus of our lives is on God’s plan of salvation . . . and Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives. Joy comes from and because of Him. He is the source of all joy. . . . For Latter-day Saints, Jesus Christ is joy!”[46]

Some wonder if joy is possible as a single person. Of course it is. If not, over half the Church’s adults would be doomed to misery, as more than 50 percent are widowed, divorced, or not yet married.[47] As Elder Ballard shared in the same address “Some wonder about their opportunities and place in God’s plan and in the Church. We should understand that eternal life is not simply a question of current marital status but of discipleship and being ‘valiant in the testimony of Jesus.’”[48] Similarly, Elder Gong taught, “Our standing before the Lord and in His Church is not a matter of our marital status but of our becoming faithful and valiant disciples of Jesus Christ.”[49]

Some specifically question whether those who experience same-sex attraction or who feel discomfort with their biological sex can find joy and thrive in the Church. While many who experience same-sex attraction or gender dysphoria do struggle,[50] studies using representative samples show that sexual and gender minorities who choose to stay in the Church generally experience better mental and physical health than those who are not Church members or who leave.[51] Research with adolescents, young adults, and adults shows it is possible for those experiencing same-sex attraction—whether married or single—to find joy within the restored gospel if they choose to stay covenant connected to the Savior. None of this denies the challenges many faithful individuals experience. The challenges can be very real and the Lord requires all of us to do what we can to love and help those who so struggle. It simply shows that it is not inevitable that our family and loved ones who experience same-sex attraction or gender dysphoria will experience misery in the gospel. Joy is not only possible, it is a lived reality for many. It is also the stated purpose of the Lord in our existence (2 Ne. 2:25).

None of these promises suggest that heartbreak and loneliness will not occur. Married or unmarried, all will face loss and unmet expectations. Yet through God’s love and the Savior’s grace, each of us can experience joy, as President Nelson taught. There is a principle of compensation that comes to play in each of our lives as we stay faithful to God. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Twelve explained: “The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”[52]

Trust in God’s Love and His Plan

President Nelson testified that God’s plan is fabulous and perfect and “that the Savior’s Atonement is what makes our Father’s plan possible.”[53] The sacrifice of Heavenly Father and the Savior shows the lengths they will go to save and exalt us. We need not fear. Knowing God’s entire purpose is our eternal life helps put his commandments regarding marriage and family in perspective. President Nelson stated, “The Lord has clearly taught that only men and women who are sealed as husband and wife in the temple, and who keep their covenants, will be together throughout the eternities.”[54] In the same general conference, President Oaks explained, “God’s plan, founded on eternal truth, requires that exaltation can be attained only through faithfulness to the covenants of an eternal marriage between a man and a woman in the holy temple, which marriage will ultimately be available to all the faithful.”[55]

Some have wondered if prophets declaring such teaching in plainness is insensitive or exclusionary. President Nelson shared: “Sometimes we as leaders of the Church are criticized for holding firm to the laws of God, defending the Savior’s doctrine, and resisting the social pressures of our day. But our commission as ordained apostles is ‘to go into all the world to preach [His] gospel unto every creature.’ That means we are commanded to teach truth. In doing so, sometimes we are accused of being uncaring as we teach the Father’s requirements for exaltation in the celestial kingdom. But wouldn’t it be far more uncaring for us not to tell the truth—not to teach what God has revealed?”[56]

It is essential to understand that God’s plan is perfect and that he has provided a way for every one of his children to receive all they righteously desire. He wants our happiness more than we do. He knows that to receive all he offers, eternal marriage is ultimately necessary, even if temporarily not our lived reality. We cannot receive exaltation without it. How important it is to learn these truths, so we do not make the mistake of valuing or living in ways that prevent us from receiving all that God offers. That is why President Nelson counseled us to “think celestial.”

The world does not understand the eternal truths God restored through his prophets. As a result, many advocate for ideas that would ultimately deprive us and those we love of the happiness God has prepared for us in this life and the next. Most who do so are sincerely advocating for what they believe is best. Often it is not a matter of lacking compassion but of not understanding eternal reality as God has revealed through his prophets. Seeing marriage and family as God reveals helps each of us grasp the “why” of these sacred truths and inspires a deeper desire to live in ways that allow us to be exalted together as families and live in joy forever.

We can also know of a surety that God will help us and those we love through the challenges of mortality to our ultimate destiny. We can trust him. We must trust him. Remember, “our Father’s beautiful plan, even his ‘fabulous’ plan, is designed to bring you home, not to keep you out. No one has built a roadblock and stationed someone there to turn you around and send you away. In fact, it is the opposite. God is in relentless pursuit of you. He ‘wants all of His children to choose to return to Him,’ and ‘He employs every possible measure to bring you back.’”[57]

Notes

[1] R. Devan Jensen, Michael A. Goodman, and Barbara M. Gardner, “Line upon Line: Joseph Smith’s Growing Understanding of Eternal Family,” Religious Educator 20, no. 1 (2019): 42.

[2] Jana Riess, The Next Mormons: How Millennials Are Changing the LDS Church (Oxford University Press, 2019).

[3] Dallin H. Oaks, “The Plan and the Proclamation,” Ensign, Nov. 2017, 31.

[4] Gordon B. Hinckley, “Stand Strong against the Wiles of the World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 100.

[5] Oaks, “The Plan and the Proclamation,” 30.

[6] Jana Riess, The Next Mormons: How Millennials Are Changing the LDS Church, 2019.

[7] Discourse, 12 May 1844, as Reported by Thomas Bullock, 2, www.josephsmithpapers.org.

[8] Russell M. Nelson, “The Love and Laws of God,” Brigham Young University devotional, Sept. 17, 2019, https://speeches.byu.edu.

[9] The three criteria of eternality, consistently taught by the First Presidency and Quorum of Twelve, and salvific come from a comprehensive study of every time the word doctrine has been defined in general conference in the past four decades. See also Michael A. Goodman, “‘Oh Say, What Is Truth?’—Approaches to Doctrine,” BYU Studies Quarterly 60, no. 3 (2021): 13–26.

[10] See, for example: Teachings of the Living Prophets Student Manual (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2010); New-Teacher Training Resource: A Teacher-Improvement Companion to the Gospel Teaching and Learning Handbook (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2016); Teaching in the Savior’s Way (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2015).

[11] Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Christlike Attributes—the Wind beneath Our Wings,” Ensign, Nov. 2005, 102–3; see also Boyd K. Packer, “Principles,” Ensign, March 1985, 8; Gordon B. Hinckley, “This Work Is Concerned with People,” Ensign, May 1995, 51–53.

[12] John C. Pingree, “Eternal Truth,” Liahona, Nov. 2023, 101.

[13] D. Todd Christofferson, “Elder D. Todd Christofferson Says LDS Church’s Doctrine Is Constant,” Church News, Feb. 5, 2015, www.thechurchnews.com. See also; Boyd K. Packer, “Cleansing the Inner Vessel,” Ensign, Nov. 2010, 74–77; David A. Bednar, “We Believe in Being Chaste,” Ensign, May 2013, 42; Russell M. Nelson, “Decisions for Eternity,” Ensign, Nov. 2013, 106.

[14] Anthony Sweat, “Doctrine: Models to Evaluate Types and Sources of Latter-Day Saint Teachings,” Religious Educator 17, no. 3 (2016): 103.

[15] Andrew H. Hedges, “Eternal Marriage and Plural Marriage,” in Raising the Standard of Truth, ed. Scott C. Esplin (Religious Studies Center, Brigham Young University; Deseret Book, 2020), https://rsc.byu.edu/raising-standard-truth/eternal-marriage-plural-marriage.

[16] Neal A. Maxwell, “Discipleship and Scholarship,” Brigham Young University annual conference, Aug. 1975.

[17] Boyd K. Packer, “The Great Plan of Happiness,” in Teaching Seminary: Preservice Readings, 1993, 69.

[18] Boyd K. Packer, “The Great Plan of Happiness,” in Teaching Seminary: Preservice Readings, 70.

[19] Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Why of Priesthood Service,” Ensign, May 2012, 59.

[20] Bible Study Tools, “Telos Meaning - Greek Lexicon | New Testament (NAS),” www.biblestudytools.com.

[21] Andrea, Falcon, “Aristotle on Causality,” The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, ed. Edward N. Zalta and Uri Nodelman (Metaphysics Research Lab, Stanford University, Spring 2023), https://plato.stanford.edu.

[22] “Eternal Life,” in Topics and Questions, www.churchofjesuschrist.org.

[23] “God’s Plan of Happiness,” General Handbook: Serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1.1, www.churchofjesuschrist.org.

[24]“Exaltation,” in Gospel Principles, www.churchofjesuschrist.org.

[25] Discourse, 7 April 1844, as Reported by William Clayton, 14, www.josephsmithpapers.org.

[26] Heber J. Grant, Anthony W. Ivins, and Charles W. Nibley, “Mormon View of Evolution,” Deseret News, July 18, 1925, 5.

[27] For example, see Michael J. Christensen and Jeffery A. Wittung, Partakers of the Divine Nature: The History and Development of Deification in the Christian Traditions (Baker Academic, 2008).

[28] Gospel Topics, “Becoming Like God,” www.churchofjesuschrist.org.

[29] “God’s Plan of Happiness,” 1.1; emphasis added.

[30] Russell M. Nelson, “Now Is the Time to Prepare,” Ensign, May 2005, 16; Russell M. Nelson, “Celestial Marriage,” Ensign, Nov. 2008, 92; Russell M. Nelson, “Salvation and Exaltation,” Ensign, May 2008, 7; Nelson, “Decisions for Eternity”; Dallin H. Oaks, “Parents and Children,” Ensign, Nov. 2018, 61; Dallin H. Oaks, “Apostasy and Restoration,” Ensign, May 1995, 84; Dallin H. Oaks, “Truth and the Plan,” Ensign, Nov. 2018, 25; Dallin H. Oaks, “Divine Love in the Father’s Plan,” Liahona, May 2022, 101; Dallin H. Oaks, “Kingdoms of Glory,” Liahona, Nov. 2023, 26.

[31] Oaks, “Divine Love in the Father’s Plan,” 102–3.

[32] Oaks, “Apostasy and Restoration,” 84.

[33] Dallin H. Oaks, “Same-Gender Attraction,” Ensign, October 1995, 7.

[34] Russell M. Nelson, “Salvation and Exaltation,” 9.

[35] Russell M. Nelson, “Decisions for Eternity,” 108.

[36] Scott, Richard G, “The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness,” Ensign, Nov. 2013, 108.

[37] Bible Hub, “Matthew 5:48 Greek,” www.biblehub.com.

[38] Tad R. Callister, “Our Identity and Our Destiny,” Brigham Young University devotional, August 14, 2012, https://speeches.byu.edu.

[39] Gospel Topics, “Becoming Like God.”

[40] Howard W. Hunter, “The Church Is for All People,” Ensign, June 1989, 76.

[41] D. Todd Christofferson, “Why Marriage, Why Family,” Ensign, May 2015, 52.

[42] Russell M. Nelson, “The Everlasting Covenant,” Liahona, Oct. 2022, 5.

[43] Nelson, “The Everlasting Covenant,” 6.

[44] Gerrit W. Gong, “Covenant Belonging,” Ensign, Nov. 2019, 82.

[45] Oaks, “Kingdoms of Glory,” 29.

[46] Russell M. Nelson, “Joy and Spiritual Survival,” Ensign, Nov. 2016, 82.

[47] M. Russell Ballard, “Hope in Christ,” Liahona, May 2021, 53

[48] M. Russell Ballard, “Hope in Christ,” 55.

[49] Gerrit W. Gong, “Room in the Inn,” For the Strength of Youth, May 2021, www.churchofjesuschrist.org.

[50] John Dehlin et al., “Navigating Sexual and Religious Identity Conflict: A Mormon Perspective,” Identity: An International Journal of Theory and Research 15, no. 1 (2015): 1–22. https://doi.org/10.1080/15283488.2014.989440; Katherine A. Crowell et al., “Specific Aspects of Minority Stress Associated with Depression Among LDS Affiliated Non-Heterosexual Adults,” Journal of Homosexuality 62, no. 2 (2015): 242–67, https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2014.969611; Jeanna Jacobsen, and Rachel Wright, “Mental Health Implications in Mormon Women’s Experiences with Same-Sex Attraction: A Qualitative Study,” The Counseling Psychologist 42, no. 5 (2014): 664–96, https://doi.org/10.1177/0011000014533204.

[51] W. Justin Dyer and Michael A. Goodman, “Religious Affiliation’s Association with Suicidality across Sexual Orientations and Gender Identities,” Religions 13, no. 10 (2022): 932, https://doi.org/10.3390/rel13100932; Michael A. Goodman, “Associations between Religion and Suicidality for LGBTQ Individuals: A Systematic Review,” Archive for the Psychology of Religion 46, no. 2 (2024): 157–79, https://doi.org/10.1177/00846724241235181; Jared S. Klundt et al., “Sexual Minorities, Mental Health, and Religiosity at a Religiously Conservative University,” Personality and Individual Differences 171, no. 110475 (2021), https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110475; Stephen Cranney, “The LGB Mormon Paradox: Mental, Physical, and Self-Rated Health among Mormon and Non-Mormon LGB Individuals in the Utah Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System,” Journal of Homosexuality 64, no. 6 (2017): 731–44, https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2016.1236570.

[52] Joseph B. Wirthin, “Come What May, and Love It,” Ensign, Nov. 2008, 28.

[53] Russell M. Nelson, “Think Celestial,” Liahona, Nov. 2023, 117.

[54] Nelson, “Think Celestial,” 118.

[55] Oaks, “Kingdoms of Glory,” 27.

[56] Nelson, “The Love and Laws of God.”

[57] Patrick Kearon, “God’s Intent Is to Bring You Home,” Liahona, May 2024, 87.